Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
