It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
