I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
