All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
false alarm. still invincible.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
