Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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