OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
