Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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