If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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