some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
