he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
