I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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