so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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