Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
