If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
