bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
