I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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