I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
