omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
