So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
