I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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