i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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