So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
