just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
