I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
