i would punch a child for taco bell
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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