What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
