i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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