Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
