Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
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