I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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