I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
