Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't deserve a penis
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
