chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
