If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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