I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
