Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
