normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
