genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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