Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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