So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
People in love make me want to vomit
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
