the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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