His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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