I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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