Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
