yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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