so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
