oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
