My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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