I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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