your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
